No Place Like Home

Family Murder: The child victims

Mary Robertson & Marilyn Donaldson

South Africa is an extremely violent society and is a country in which the incidence of crime and violence are well above the world average. Murder is particularly prolific, and in the recent Nedcor report, South Africa, together with Southern Africa, is referred to as "...probably the most murderous society(s) on earth, even with probable under reporting."

There has been a great deal of attention focused on the problem of violent crimes such as car hijacking and armed robbery. However, very little attention is paid to the most dangerous arena in our society - the home.

It is difficult to establish accurate figures reflecting the incidence of murders within the family , due to the fact that there are no reliable statistics. At present, homicides that occur within the family, are included with homicide in general and the relationship of the perpetrator to the victim is not documented.

Similarly, there are no accurate figures for domestic violence. The South African Police does not report domestic assault under a separate category. These cases are recorded as crimes such as common assault, grievous bodily harm and other such categories.

Despite the notoriously poor statistics, it has been estimated that up to 60% of marital relationships involve abuse and that between 1 in 4 women are abused. This abuse includes rape and sexual assault.

The above figures make it strikingly clear that numerous children who grow up in South African homes are exposed to high levels of violence within their homes. This is a paradoxical situation as the home is traditionally viewed as a safe haven and a sanctuary from the harshness of the outside world, and yet, it is the one place where many children are at most risk for violence and no safety or protection is provided.

A study on intimate femicide suggests that between 1993-1994, one woman was killed every day by her partner in Gauteng. This is an alarming figure, especially if one considers this in relation to the child survivors of these grotesque deeds.

The majority of spouse killings involve the male killing the female partner. The murders are seldom premeditated but often occur in families where there are high levels of domestic violence. Factors which appear to contribute to spouse killings are alcohol abuse, low self esteem, immaturity, poor interpersonal relationships, aggressive and impulsive behaviour, abusive relationships, economic problems, and patriarchal attitudes towards women and children. The one factor which seems the most significant in determining risk for homicide is jealousy. Most homicides occur when the female partner is leaving or threatening to end the relationship.

When a wife kills her partner, she is 7 times more likely to be acting out of self defence than when the male kills his partner and these relationships often have a long history of abuse. This paper does not address family murders in which a family member kills most or all of the family and often take their own life. These family murders differ to spouse killings and they represent a type of extended suicide in which the perpetrator may be depressed and believes that he/she is rescuing the family from some kind of calamity or pain.

Impact on Children

Children very often become the silent victims. They may be victimised directly through themselves being abused or indirectly, through witnessing the horror of a parent being repeatedly abused and sometimes killed in front of them. They are the silent victims as their plight is seldom recognised or reported by the media and frequently their own family disregards the impact of their traumatic experiences. The social welfare system and criminal justice system may further contribute to this silence by a failure to provide the support and follow up that these children require.

At the Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation, 10 cases of children bereaved of a parent due to one spouse killing the other, have been seen in the Trauma Clinic in the last six months alone. It is felt that this merely represents the tip of the iceberg and the number of these referrals is anticipated to increase as more people become aware of the service. Numerous children who have experienced loss of this nature, never receive therapy or other assistance and are expected to resume their lives as if nothing had happened.

The reality is that the lives of these children are literally shattered by their experiences. They have to cope with the traumatic manner in which they may have lost a parent and the grieving process itself. In addition to this they have to deal with the subsequent upheavals and changes in their life as a result of the incident.

The parent is often killed in front of the children and they may be left with the dead or dying victim for hours before they are found. Younger children in particular may not have the resources to call for help. The terror that these children must experience, is hard to envisage. An illustrative case example is as follows: Two children, aged 2 and 4 years old, witnessed the brutal killing of their mother. Their father bludgeoned her to death in front of them and she died a long and agonising death. The children witnessed the entire ordeal and were then left with their mother's body for the entire night. Father returned in the morning and killed himself in front of the children by shooting himself through the head.

The murder usually results in extreme disruptions in the lives of these children. They have to learn to cope with the stigma of being the child of a murderer and often lose both parents, either through both being killed, as in the above incident, or through the father being imprisoned. Since the killing occurred within the context of the family, all routines familiar to the children are disrupted. They then face being uprooted from their home, familiar environment and relationships. They may be parted from their siblings and suffer multiples losses of their parents, home, school, friends and possessions. These children are often placed in foster care or they are placed with relatives. The relatives are also grieving the loss of the child's parent/s and may be reluctant to take care of the children. They are often dealing with their own feelings of shame and guilt about what happened and due to their emotional state , may not be able to respond to the emotional needs of the child.

It is common for the family to deny the horror of what the child has experienced. In the above case example, the children were placed with an aunt. The aunt acknowledged what had happened but she received no support from the extended family who refused to talk about the events and hushed the children if they spoke about their parents death. The family constantly interfered with and undermined the aunt in her caretaking of the children which made their adjustment so much more difficult.

The extended family frequently fail to recognise the trauma of these children. It is difficult to guage the impact of the murder on the children. The child may initially be in a state of shock and numbness and those around them assume that their quietness and lack of emotional display is a sign that they are unaffected by the events. Children may also attempt to hide their levels of disturbance from their caretakers, for fear of being a burden.

Research suggests that these children are severely affected by these events. They are dealing with the trauma of what they witnessed as well as their own bereavement. Children may display symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder which can interfere with their grieving. The helplessness associated with witnessing the killing of their parent can lead to numbing and emotional constriction and attempts to avoid anything that reminds them of the event. There may be distressing nightmares about the murder and intrusive images and memories which leave the child stuck with the gruesome last images of their parents death and unable to recollect more pleasant memories. Another common reaction is the child will attempt to avoid thinking about the trauma which interferes with the grieving process. In order to satisfactorily grieve for a dead loved one, it is necessary to recollect it and remember it again and again.

Other post traumatic stress reactions include numbness, detachment, withdrawal, hyperarousal, impaired sleep and concentration and fearfulness. These children also engage in post traumatic play in which they repeatedly act out the events. This type of play is grim and repetitive and does not resemble the normal joyful play of children. Traumatised children commonly grow up with changed attitudes about themselves, life and others.

The age of the child and their developmental stage will have an effect on the nature of their reactions. Younger pre-school children do not have the cognitive ability to fully understand what happened and appear to be more affected. Adolescent children are also more affected and often have strong feelings of guilt, shame and may engage in self destructive, suicidal and delinquent behaviour.

Children who have had a parent murdered by another parent are placed in an extremely difficult dilemma of loyalty. The fact that one parent has killed another is very hard for the child to make sense of, especially as the child may have loved both parents. The child, especially younger children may blame themselves for what happened. After a killing, it is difficult to ascertain what kind of contact the child should have with the perpetrator. It is generally recommended that this be guided by what is in the best interests of the child. Unfortunately, In South Africa the child's welfare seldom seems to be the guiding principle. Children are not consulted about their needs and are often ignored. It appears to be common practice to return the perpetrator back to the family : One such example is of a 12 year old boy who has been seen in the clinic. He witnessed his mother's murder at the hands of her boyfriend, which resulted in his placement in foster care. The family paid for the boyfriend's release on bail and he has constant unsupervised access to the child. The family have encouraged this as the boyfriend has money and is able to contribute to the child's upkeep. The boyfriend has even taken the child to the cemetry and placed flowers on the mothers grave. This child has had great difficulty reconciling the apparent tenderness and care of this act by the boyfriend, with the brutal murder that he had witnessed. The child presents with feelings of confusion, depression and suicidal ideation.

Due to economic reasons, many families have encouraged the return of the perpetrator to the surviving children, as they are the breadwinners. This is an unfortunate reality of the socio-economic conditions which further traumatises the children and frequently leaves them feeling confused and terrified. Families are often afraid to give evidence in court and so the perpetrator may not be convicted or may be released on bail which is often paid by the family. This willing acceptance of the perpetrator back into the community seems to condone and sanction their actions and discounts the women and child victims.

Families also appear to be insensitive to the needs of these children and further traumatise them through some of their actions. One such example is of a child of 11 who witnessed the brutal murder of her mother by the boyfriend. While the mother was taken off to the hospital, the childþs grandmother made the child clean up the bloody murder scene in order to restore the room to make it appear as if nothing had happened. This child was seen at the clinic three weeks after the ordeal, and she was still in a severe state of shock, paralysis and numbness.

Long Term Effects

These horrific childhood experiences have serious long term impacts on child survivors. In the majority of cases, the murder of their parent was precede by years of violence within the family and these children have been repeatedly traumatised. They may have grown up in a familial environment of pervasive terror, control and violence. Adult survivors grow up with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy and initiative.

Their prolonged exposure to trauma may lead to personality changes and emotional detachment, rage, sadness and fear. Female survivors appear to be more prone to further victimisation in adulthood and depression and anxiety. In contrast , males appear to display more aggressive behaviour. This is perhaps due to their identification with the violent role model of their father. In violent families, children also learn that violence is an acceptable way of resolving problems.

This childhood trauma appears to be a crucial etiologic factor in the development of a number of serious disorders in adult life including being at a higher risk for perpetrating violence or being a victim, suicide attempts, self mutilation and personality disorders. A clear example of a child survivor becoming a perpetrator is illustrated by the following case example: A young boy witnessed his father kill his mother at age and then at the age of 9, he witnessed someone being raped. This child is now age 15 and has beecome a perpetrator himself by rapimg a nine year old child.

Conclusion

From the above case examples, it is clear that children who are victims of domestic violence and in particular, those who witness the murder of a parent , are children who are severely emotionally wounded by their experience. Despite accurate statistics, it is evident that numerous children are at risk of being traumatised in this manner and the majority of them never receive help and family members often fail to understand the impact of their trauma. These children are at risk for longer term difficulties and may themselves become victims or perpetrators of further violence. In order to break this ongoing cycle of violence, it is imperative that the plight of these children be taken in a very serious light.

More social and mental health service need to be provided for these children. Therapy can provide the child with a space to work through the horror of their experience and hopefully integrate it in a more constructive way and minimise the negative longer term impact. On a social level, women and children need to be given recognition and respect. It is within a society that devalues women and children that such crimes can be perpetrated . In the longer term, improved socio-economic conditions and education may reduce ignorance and the risk of such crimes being perpetrated. It is essential that the police and criminal justice system take domestic violence more seriously and intervene more readily as it is frequently within the context of violent families that spouse killings occur. Above all, we need to publicly acknowledge the horror of family violence and family murder and provide the silent victims with a strong voice against such atrocities.

References

This paper draws on case examples of clients who have been seen for counselling at The Trauma Clinic of The Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation.

Hendriks J, Black D and Kaplan T (1993) When Father Kills Mother, London: Routledge Press.

Kotze S (1995 ) South Africa takes action against domestic violence and women abuse, Journal of Social Work Practice, Vol 3.

Pynoos R and Eth S (1986) Witness to Violence: The Child Interview, Journal of American Academy of Child Psychiatry, Vol 23 No 3.

Terr L (1991) Childhood Traumas: An Outline and Overview, American Journal of Psychiatry, Vol 148 No 1.

Vetten L (1995) Man Shoots Wife, A Pilot Study Detailing Intimate Femicide in Gauteng, South Africa. A Project of POWA and the NGO Secretariat for Beijing.

Mary Robertson is a former Manager of the Trauma Clinic at the Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliaton.

Marilyn Donaldson is a former Child Psychologist in the Trauma Clinic at the Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation.

In Crime and Conflict, No. 8, Summer 1997.

© Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation